A couple of days ago I was downloading various inspirational podcasts for my iPod to listen to while I am working out, going for a walk, travelling and for those times I need a little ‘pick-me-up’. The first one I listened to today (call it coincidence or whatever), was a podcast by Lewis Howes where he interviews Tracey McMillan about relationships.

I could so relate to her message (especially being divorced myself) on self-love, self-care and self-acceptance, be your authentic self, be at peace, happy and content with yourself and the importance of gratitude and forgiveness.

“The most challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you that YOU love, well, that’s just fabulous.” ~ Carrie Bradshaw

Now, I am no relationship expert, but I have learnt a few things from my long-distance relationship with the love of my life (lasting 3.5 years) and my arranged marriage to my ex (lasting 1.5 years).
I can truly say that I have forgiven my ex and moved on – but it has taken me years to do so, however, when it comes to the love of my life, that was a bit tricky one I must admit.

We got back in touch in 2011 – hadn’t spoken to him since Summer 2001, and met him Spring 2011 – hadn’t seen him since Winter 1998 when we first met. It was very awkward to talk when we first got back in touch, so many unresolved issues. So many questions that needed answers, endless of emotions, tears and frustration – but over the past 7 years, we have both grown an understanding of each others’ feelings, circumstances, the way of thinking and each other’s boundaries – we decided to stay friends until September last year when I decided to let him go once and for all. As I turned 40 (2017), I decided that I didn’t want any of my past relationships in my ‘new’ life – I needed to make space for someone new and I couldn’t do so unless I had cleared my ‘old baggage’ which I did and honestly speaking; I am so glad I did!

Had I married him when we wanted to get married back in 2001, I would have been a completely different person – in fact, the opposite of who I am today.
I have been single for 14 years and have seen a roller-coaster of ups and downs (as you do). Life has brought me endless experiences – both good and not so good. I have learnt so much – especially about myself; to love and accept myself for who and what I am (flaws and all), to Enjoy My Own Company and most importantly; knowing my weaknesses and my strengths, eliminating my self-limiting beliefs (work in progress) and discovering my core values and my core desired feelings.

I have been on a journey of self-discovery which has been an amazing experience – and I am still learning and will continue to do so until the end of my days.
We tend to put too much emphasis on finding Mr Right, and that when he comes – our life will be so much better, in fact, it will be like in a fairy-tale.

As you may know, I am a big fan of ‘Sex and the City‘ and there’s a dialogue that I have stayed me since I first time watched that episode (I don’t remember the exact words, but I hope you understand the message I am trying to convey):

“Instead of looking for your ‘Knight in shining armour’ to come and save you and make you feel complete, why not become your own ‘Knight’ and save yourself? And treat Men who enters our lives as gorgeous beings and a bonus.”

I became my own Hero(ine) when I moved to the UK in 2008 with my baby (read my story here). I had at that time accepted that this is my journey and that I was in charge of our lives. I had a vision for what I wanted our life to look and feel like – so I started my journey – took one step at a time and got where I wanted eventually.

My Top Tips for taking charge:

  • Practice Self-Love & Self-Care daily – because your life depends on it
  • Make the ‘Don’t give up’ attitude your best friend
  • Create a vision board
  • Set realistic goals
  • Plan your Ideal Day where you’ve scheduled at least 2-3 activities/things that make you happy
  • Learn to differentiate between your Intuition and Ego – TRUST your INTUITION and IGNORE your EGO
  • Be mindful of how you talk and treat to yourself; Talk and treat yourself like your life depends on it – because it does!
  • Accept yourself completely – flaws and all – that’s what makes you unique 🙂
  • Be true to yourself – your authentic self
  • Discover your core values and core desired feelings

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”

*Do connect with me on Instagram at @KiranSinghUK for behind the scenes, daily updates, inspiration and more!